I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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