so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
