im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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