He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
