I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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