My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
