If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
