Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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