omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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