I think I won the penis lottery.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
