last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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