i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
this boner is exhausting
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
