We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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