im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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