I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
