If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
