i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
