Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
