used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
