She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
