one might say we're banned from that church
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
