I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
