Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
