I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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