I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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