I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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