Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
