She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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