This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Ketchup is God's man juice
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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