Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Panties = found
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
