Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Is her dick bigger than yours?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
