Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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