You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
