So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
