Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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