id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
