i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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