if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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