I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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