I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
