I should be sponsored by Trojan
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
