omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Everclear isn't food dammit
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize