I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
