omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
