pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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