I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
