you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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