Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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