I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
