Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
