Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
