Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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