forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
