I want to walk on stilts...naked
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
