Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
