Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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