After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
