your thong is hanging out like whoa
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
