I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
