How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You can't just leave with hair like that
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
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