I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Randomize
