News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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