Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
