FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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