it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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