I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
