If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
