i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize